you're lost between the notes.

xdamagecontrol @ 2008-11-04T15:42:00

2008-11-04T14:43:53Z

I mailed out my absentee ballot in Venice.
Make sure you vote!!
We're waking up or 3 or 4am to watch the polls close and results come in. so so so nervous. and excited. and kinda bummed i'm not in the US right now for this. but bah! anxious/excited/nervous and glued to cnn.com live video feed watching all the election news.

xdamagecontrol @ 2008-09-06T09:12:00

2008-09-06T07:15:06Z

many new pictures and things i believe since the last time i updated
life has been extremely eventful

http://travelbyfoldingamap.tumblr.com/

3 Settembre 2008

2008-09-03T21:36:36Z

http://travelbyfoldingamap.tumblr.com/

two pages worth of pics up from day one =)
go check um out =)

1 Settembre 2008

2008-09-01T12:42:59Z

at 10:05pm i'll be heading to Rome!!!

http://travelbyfoldingamap.tumblr.com/
http://travelbyfoldingamap.tumblr.com/
http://travelbyfoldingamap.tumblr.com/

i will probably not be writing in here so much as posting that link again whenever i update it.
which will hopefully be often.

ciao!

26 August 2008

2008-08-26T20:15:03Z

so i had my portfolio review today.
i am off the record (because he can't say it officially until it's approved by the school) going to be accepted to UArts.

=)!

1 August 2008

2008-08-02T01:36:35Z

its bad when you wish your manager calls you to ask for help unpacking all his things because he just moved just because it means you can get out of the house and hang out with other people from work.

its also bad when you get upset (jealous) that your boyfriend's friends called him last minute to go see dark knight...because not only will you not get to see him that night on video chat or get to fall asleep at least talking on the phone but he has friends that idk...simply call him to idk...simply hang out.

its also bad when you call your boyfriend a jerk because he implies that you might as well work since its not like you'd have plans (as a joke...he didn't realize what he said til he saw how upset it got me and then apologize profusely about how he didn't mean it that way--the way that implies all i do is sit at home alone or work)

its also bad when all you do is sit at home and be upset with yourself because you snack because you're lonely and have nothing better to do
so you're upset with (hate) yourself and obsess over how your're gaining weight (cause god forbid you weigh more than 120lbs)
and you look forward to rome because it means you'll lost weight.

sunday...justin...only 36 hours away...
i can't wait for rome...then just have to come back here for one month while we finalize a place in philly.
then goodbye rockland county.

19 July 2008

2008-07-19T04:19:28Z

so. so. so. amazing.
seriously.
go see.

real update whenever i'm not exhausted?

xdamagecontrol @ 2008-02-21T23:06:00

2008-02-22T04:17:08Z

"I'd be very pleased if you could see me as something other than a kind of idler.

Because there are quite different kinds of idler. There is the man who is idle from laziness and lack of character, from the baseness of his nature. You can, if you like, take me for one of these.

Then there is the other kind of idler, who is idle despite himself, who is consumed inwardly by a great desire for action, but who does nothing, because it is impossible to do anything, because it is as if he were imprisoned in some way, because he lacks what he needs to be productive, because inevitable circumstances have reduced him to this. Such a man does not always know himself what he could do, but he feels instinctively:for my existence! I know that I could be quite a different man! How could I be useful, what could I do? There is something within me, but what is it?

That is quite a different kind of idler. You can, if you like, take me for one of these.

A bird in a cage in spring knows quite well that there is something he would be good at, he feels strongly that there is something to be done, but he can't do it. What is it? He can't quite remember, then he gets some vague ideas, and says to himself, 'The others are building their nests and producing their young, and raising their brood.' Then he bands his head against the bars of his cage. And the cage is still there, and the bird is mad with grief.

'There's a lazybones,' says another bird who is passing. 'He's comfortably off.' However, the prisoner lives and does not die, nothing shows on the outside of what is going on inside him. He is in good health, he is more or less cheerful while the sun shines. Then the migration season comes, and a bout of melancholy. 'But,' say the children who look after him in his cage, 'he has everything he needs.' Yet for him it means looking out at the swollen, stormy skier and feeling the revolt against his fate within himself. 'I am in a cage, I am in a cage, and so I lack nothing, fools! I have everything I need! Oh, for pity's sake, give me freedom, to be a bird like other birds.'

The idle fellow is like that idle bird.

And men are often faced with the impossibility of doing anything, imprisoned in some kind of horrible horrible, very horrible cage.

There is also, I know, deliverance, eventual deliverance. A reputation ruined rightly or wrongly, embarrassment, circumstance, misfortune, all these make people prisoners. You can't always say what it is that shuts you up, what walls you in, what seems to bury you alive, but you still feel some kind of cars, some kind of cage, some kind of walls.

Is all this imagination, fantasy? I don't think so; and then I ask myself: My God, is it for long, is it forever, is it for eternity?

Do you know what makes the prison disappear? It is every deep, genuine affection. To be friends, brothers, to love, that opens the prison by its sovereign power, its powerful charm. Someone who does not have that remains bereft of life.

But where sympathy is reborn, life is reborn.

Sometimes the prison is called prejudice, misunderstanding, fatal ignorance of this or that, distrust, false shame."

Vincent van Gogh. July 1880

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-11-02T12:07:00

2006-11-02T17:07:36Z

i gotta admit...we made the best fucking Marla Singer and Tyler Durden (ed norton tyler durden) ever.

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-08-09T18:53:00

2006-08-09T23:16:06Z

like i said warped tour update later when i get my pictures.
but fun picture entry of zukor park at 11pm last night.

mmmmm i got tiny size chicklets! childhood flashbacks!

leen got mike and ikes

we coloured a clifford colouring book

weeee!

this is why people are age are not meant to play on playgrounds

eileen's mad pole dancing skillz

okay now how do i get down????

best. picture. ever.

omg i made it on here! (now how do i get down?)

this shit is not happenin

ohh noooo im gonna fall! (jk)

i wonder how many kids have puked in this tunnel...

weeee!!!!!!!

cartwheels!

yay swings!

and just me being a cam whore and showing off my new hair

ps. saturday leeny is takin me to see the format as a bday present ^-^
YAY :dances:

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-08-09T04:48:00

2006-08-09T09:23:14Z

so i'm no longer a redhead.
(yes...i know theres still red visible...problem was the red i had was metallic so its gonna take another application of black to fully cover it up)

real update later (warped one when i get my pics developed)...cause its 5am
(yes...i have reverted back to my vampire sleeping habits like i always do when i don't have school)

buutttt i love leeny...and going to zukor park to colour in clifford colouring books and run around on the jungle gym taking a ridiculous amount of silly pictures.
oh and moneen...who are pretty much the greatest band ever.
and swings...
and mini chicklets gum.

i guess i'm gonna go catch some sleep.

my heart's never in tune with anything i do

2006-08-04T06:50:04Z

so mara and i saw nightmare of you tonight.
first of all...let me just get it out there a half hour drive took us an hour...because new jersey and its ridiculous forbidding of making left hand turns and lack of having street signs with the names of streets makes it impossible to find shows in venues that are pretty much the suburbian equivalent of an alley.
BUT ANYWAY.
so we get there...sit through 4 opening acts...then nightmare of you.
who were incredible...we danced we sang we laughed at brandon's comments (cause he's adorable and funny). at one point mara was seriously bustin a move and singing along and brandon came over to her and thanked her specifically.
they played the entire album plus a bside...brandon was so funny too cause he apologized for not dancing that much cause it was so freakin hot in the place but they were still awesome.
even though ryan distracted him during thumbelina with his crazy leg stomping and brandon was like "WTF ARE YOU DOING?" and almost skipped a verse of the song.
i seriously wish i got a video of it even ryan started laughing...i can't even explain it idky i'm even mentioning it.
but anyway, so yeah, we danced, they were amazing, the end?

oh but its not!
brandon went to hang out at merch after the show.
and okay...idk if anyone remembers this...but the day me and mara were in the city for hgb we saw them (NOY) filming the video for "days go by..." in chinatown.
and we were pussies and didnt say anything plus like...he was working you know? so we didnt wanna be like hey stop shooting your video to talk to us.
so for like 15 minutes we just pretended to look at postcards and rip off hang bags etc and watched brandon doing the vid.
then as we drove away mara gave him a thumbs up and we yelled "YEAH NIGHTMARE OF YOU"
okay so back to tonight.
we meet him at the merch table and mara goes "i have a funny well not so much story for you" and she tells him about it and he goes "OMG I REMEMBER THAT!! i was like wtf someone called out our name who the fuck knows who our band is in chinatown?! thats cool though you shouldve said hi!"
he was the nicest guy ever. he was so sweet and wished us a goodnight and everything.
and the whole time he was all smiling and he signed our tickets and took a pic (the smiling comes into play when you see the pic haha)

so anyway without further ado...nightmare of you at school of rock:

ryan

brandon (ps. his shirt was amazing i want it)

ryan and joe and then brandon

end of the set

my ticket

haha okay seriously the ENTIRE TIME we talked to him he was all smiley...then we take the pic and its like :|

seriously, i can't believe this show was almost a whim and we almost didn't go.
cause it was so so so good.
now really the end

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-07-30T23:24:00

2006-07-31T03:54:25Z

despite a few negative points like the girl behind me singing as loud as she could off key nontheless AND butchering the lyrics or people puking next to me...brand new was brand new. it's funny how things have changed since the first time i saw them...this being the tenth. but even though nine shows ago i was looking out at the people standing off to the side not in the crowd thinking "how the fuck are those pansies having fun not here front row?" and this show i was one of those people the just like...release of any pent up shit i get when singing along to seventy times 7 hasn't changed. i gotta tell you though...being out of the sweaty crowd and not being crushed to death the entire show was a nice experience. i only wish they played a few more upbeat yfw songs that we could move around to. but still, i like how the new stuffs sounding, and i really dont care what they play as long as i see them. (and men women and children were awesome too...finally bought their cd also)

it hit me last night before i went to bed how little time i havev left before school. i was pissed about having to go into work at 6 and looked at a calender like how much longer do i have to put up with this shit...and its 3 weekends.
which is insane.
i have done NOTHING to prepare.
fuck.

besides that...i'm sorry for any misplaced anger.
i'm just sick of people being rude and/or treating me like shit.
between work...and carol...and my dad...i'm just fucking done.
but i'm going to my favourite place tomorrow (the beach) so fuck all.

pics of me for no reason...

me in my greta (the hush sound) dress in my dad's backyard.
(THE ONE part of his house i like)

not quite human but this weapon is loaded

2006-06-08T22:54:42Z

so, i drove all the way up to poughkeepsie in shitty weather nonetheless all alone for the forgive durden and gatsbys american dream show.
and i made it there and back with just one wrong turn haha
(amazing considering i've gotten lost using a gps before)
the show was soooooo good.
forgive durden need to do some headline dates...or at least play a show where they get a longer set (they were the 2nd band to play out of four) because these guys are too freakin good.
the only thing again i wish was different was i wish they would play some ep material (esp jamais vu <333)
and gatsbys was awesome except they kinda got kicked off at 11ish...they came back and played "why we fight" and then got kicked off for real (grr damn curfews!).
they played some new songs which sounded great
and afterwards i met nic who's awesome he's so freakin nice.
and yeah, of course i took pictures...all are here
some favourites:

FORGIVE DURDEN

drum breakdown during "il tango" guys from horse the band came out too
(best song to end a set ever btw)

GATSBYS AMERICAN DREAM

these soles are useless without you

2006-05-19T00:57:09Z

okay so yeah, say anything show was last night. like i said, they are pretty much the best live act you will ever see. i never have as much fun at a show as i do when i see them. there's dancing, there's singing, there's screaming, there's going fucking insane and not giving at shit about anything at all. and the crowd was decent...besides the guys in love with max bemis who wouldn't shut up about how much they loved him and were like groping him...but like...there's pushing but its not obnoxious pushing...there's room to dance and breathe...and it's amazing.

pistolita opened...they're were really amazing i need to catch them again sometime.

we were right up front...max was kinda in our face most of the time...he pretty much sang into my cell phone when i called leeny for alive...he kinda drooled (not spit...drooled) on my arm once (which was kinda nasty...but he's max so i forgive him). took 40 pics i think...a vid of "walk through hell" but i'll probably not upload that til after prom weekend. i got two guitar picks...they're either max's or alex's...one was thrown down my shirt haha and the other i picked off the floor for leeny.

just jfldkajfkl;jiuefa. i can't put into words how much seeing them live means to me...how fucking incredible it is.

(soooo cute =X)

this one just kinda cracks me up...light coming from behind him and all the hands like, straining up towards him...he's like god XD

all are here

sooo yeah...tomorrow is prom?
excited?
:shrugs:
i'm more excited about the show still than i am about prom.
oh my priorities.
but yeah...unless i have time to talk to anyone tonight or tomorrow (highly doubt it) i'll be gone til monday.

die young and save yourself

2006-04-25T00:46:49Z

i concur, jesse lacey.

today when anything bothered me...when prom (shoot me in the face) was brought up...when AP's were discussed...when more and more assignments were handed out...when i was yelled at or when i was fed up or lonely or upset or overwhelmed (X10)...
i just looked at my bn pics, or watched my vids, or listened to them on my ipod, or if i was in a circumstance i couldn't do any of those closed my eyes and pictured the show in my head or just blocked off the words and sang songs in my head.
gah! stress! drama! work! confusion!
eat me!

to you know, ignore my responsibilities i cropped/resized a bunch of the pics from the show.
under the cut

all can be found now here

now i really guess i should study for marine bio.
or write my euro dbq.
but i'm really going to go listen to deja on vinyl in my room and write.

i remember listening to that for the first time in my pool room before the instore performance.
i never listened to music the same way again.

i lv y s mch t hrts m hd.

2006-04-24T02:34:14Z

brand new owns my life [period]
the fact that i think i bruised my spine, can't really lie down or sleep, the 5 1/2 hour ride home throught traffic, nothing nothing nothing matters.
i saw my favourite band for the ninth time, for the first time in pretty much exactly 2 years.
i'm sitting watching my video of "play crack the sky" and thinking "did i seriously take that?"

it was incredible.
we saw brand new.
and it was incredible.
we were the second row of people being crushed against the barrier.
and i didn't really care as soon as the came on.
jesse jumped down to the crowd afterwards...i got to shake his hand, and half hug him.

pictures and video links under the cut.

just a quick note...its not like i TRIED to get pictures of only jesse.
it was pretty impossible to get pics of anyone else with how i was positioned (compressed against other people)

the stache

all can be found: fght yr dmns

i'm too tired and lazy to crop pictures to clip out better shots / edit them in anyway besides resizing.
but full size (ten trillion times better) available upon request and only if i really like you (and you have aim).

videos (on sendspace, if instead of clicking the link you right click and save you never get that annoying try again in blah seconds):
1
25 second clip of my two favourite lines in "No Seatbelt Song" i personally wouldn't d/l it if i was well, not me, but i figured i'd post it anyway.

2 / 3
Both are "Play Crack The Sky" (i accidently stopped the vid and then started it again, so its the first i think like 30 seconds in one and then the rest in the other...too lazy to combine them)

4
3 minutes of "Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't"

sometimes theyre shakey, sometimes they're pretty damn awesome.
there technically weren't allowed to be any cameras at all let own video recording...and while i was doing pcts, a security cop guy kept walking past and i wasnt risking getting my camera taken away.

i saw brand new.
the end.

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-04-04T19:57:00

2006-04-05T00:22:39Z

so last night me and leeny face four hours in the rain to see jack's mannequin play at irving.
to see andrew mcmahon perform in NYC for the first time since his diagnoses.
and it was incredible.
seriously, it's not really sinking in that i saw him and that i was like at points a foot away from him.
and i don't mean to seem like a total loser, but he's pretty much my hero.

it was FREEZING outside, and i'm sick again because of it.
my and leeny played some funny games to try to take our mind off the cold (haha) and we talked to some cool people online and inside.
the crowd was somewhat dominated by "OMGILOVEYOUANDREW" fans which sucked, and there was an insane amount of pushing which i totally didn't expect.
but i didn't care, stuck it out and and when they came on it didn't even matter one bit and i didn't care and i don't know how anyone could not be smiling and dancing and singing along.
he played the whole album threw and did an encore of an "acoustic-y" "21 and invicible" and then covered the everly brothers "all i have to do is dream" and tom petty "american girl" which were fucking awesome.
he was so full of energy, and played amazingly, and looked so healthy (!!!), and just...
seriously incredible. guh. i'm still floating.

and of course, pictures, i got videos too but unless someone asks specifically i'm not uploading them. they're of "bruised" and "you can breathe now" part of mfeo. theyre piss poor videos but sounds okay but most of the time you hear the crowd just as much as andrew because everyone was singing along.

all of my pictures are

two seconds after this was taken, andrew threw the towel into the crowd right to my right, so of course there was a mad rush to try to grab it, someone hit my hand and my camera went FLYING and some guy caught it. that guy is my lifesaver i think i would've died if my camera was gone.

"cause i cross my legs like a girl"

besides that, idk wtf i'm doing on the comp when i have so much fucking hw to do.
i had some other things to say, but let's leave the heavy stuff for another day and just bask in the high from the show.
and i'll post the pictures everyone wanted me to take in my next entry, this one's already to busy.

i saved latin...what did you ever do?

2006-03-05T03:05:49Z

so yeah. if no one had figured it out already, i kept mentioning "saved latin" in my entries.
saved latin=fall out boy.
yesterday was a fall out boy secret show at the knitting factory (which for those of you who don't know it...its a 300 person venue in nyc)
the show was the skyriter, valencia, and fall out boy.
and it was fucking awesome.

i took 97 pics throughout the night. favourites and stories under the cut.

so mara and i got to the venue around 4, 4:30.
right as we stepped outta the car we found people we knew from other shows and then afterwards i found people i knew from lj too.
once we were in we had to wait around a little more so i got merch...got a limited addition only 221 made "saved latin, march 3, 2006" shirt haha.

the skyriter was first.
besides being i think the cutest boys alive i actually really loved them.
if i had more than 54 cents i would've picked up their cd too.
so yeah, they're worth checking out.
and yeah, when the drummer threw his drum sticks, me with my lighting reflexes, got hit in the head but didn't catch it XD

then was valencia, who i again only knew a few songs they have posted on purevolume.
but they were also really great.

travis from gym class heroes came out and introduced fall out boy...also here's their setlist

and then there's fall out boy.
which this was the best i've seen them perform, and the tiniest place i've seen them (seen them 4 times before)
we were pretty much right at the stage...one row of people in front of us and surprisingly, save one jackass who mara almost got in a fight with her because he was abusing her so bad that the security guy threatened him and started such a scene pete was like "yeah fighting at shows isn't cool don't hurt eachother," the crowd wasn't even as bad as the other times i've seen them either.
it was just insane.
like i can't even tell you the order of events but some random highlights:
-gabe from midtown coming out and singing
-mikey way coming out and playing bass
-joe falling back into the crowd onto us
-pete diving from the second level
-joe saying it is physically impossible for a uterus to go into another uterus after a girl at the show said she wanted to have alicia's babies
-i got one of pete's picks

afterwards we had to wait for mara's dad (yeah thats right, we're the cool kids whose parents pick them up from shows)
and we're waiting at a corner after security kicked us off the block with some other people, and mikey way is across the street with alicia, and a guy calls out to him, mikey comes over and starts talking.
mara almost died.
then it got to the point i was so freezing my knees were gonna give so i was like mara we gotta head to a warm and we walk back down the street of the venue, and at that moment fall out boy came rushing out and into there van...they didn't stick around though.
and yeah...

and like...just gah!
pictures say more than words though and i know that's what you really want:

right when they came out

it was REALLY hard to get andy pics and i wasn't really concerned with taking good pics cause well, enjoying the show...so these are really my only good ones

gabe

mikey way

travis came back out (the first one cracks me up)

and yeah. the rest of my pictures are up here

and i took one video of nobody puts baby in a corner...it's kinda shitastic like, piture wise...but there are some good parts and at least i think the sound is fucking awesome.
but if you can sit through some really awful shaking there's som great trohmania, pete licking joe's guitar, etc.
and that can be downloaded here

and yeah. then end.
xo.

oh are they?

2006-03-04T05:09:05Z

~~saved latin~~ FALL OUT BOY secret shows own my life.

its 12 am on sat and i just got home
i have to go to my dads, shower, and sleep, and then wake up at 6 for work.
so pictures and a vid and tales to come tomorrow.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
best.week.ever.

and the record begins with a song of rebellion

2006-03-02T18:27:05Z

today, i was so sore it actually hurt just pushing the covers off me, let alone getting out of bed.
my ears are still ringing.
last night i literally had to peal two shirts off my body because they were drenched in sweat.
and for the first time in a while i have actual bruises all over me from a show.

and seriously, i could not be fucking happier.
last night was say anything at cbgb.
this was the type of show i missed.
this was what i love about concerts.
pushing the entire show not because of little girls trying to get close to lead singers.
but because everyone is rockin out and and dancing and jumping.
and looking around and seeing everyone smiling and singing along and looking like they having the time of their lives.

key board player is Parker from JamisonParker

that's all the pics i got...i'd say it was kinda unsafe to be taking pictures at a show like that haha.

I♥
SA

and of course though...because my life wouldn't be complete without bad to balance the good.
last night i accidently let the dog out and my mom was up til 3 waiting for her to come home (and i live on a big road)
and now my wallet is nowhere in my home or car, which means i dropped it last night or it was stolen.
and i'm not so much pissed about the credit cards or money, cause i only have like ten bucks in there and credit cards can be canceled.
but i had gift certificates and my license and i had all my concerts tickets from summer sans the truckstops one.
i mean, i called cbgb, and the guy told me to call back around 5 cause nothing turned up yet.
but its not like i'm getting my hopes up because the chances...well i dont think there are.
and now i have to go get ready for work.

but hey, valencia, skyriter, and "saved latin" tomorrow.
so i guess i'll just have to prepare myself for the bad shit that's gonna happen after that show if i have a good time
(seriously, after truckstops, i got the flu, sa, this shit, its like a fucking pattern)

sigh. this is the perfect time to be listening to say anything.

xdamagecontrol @ 2006-02-21T15:58:00

2006-02-21T22:40:47Z

i decided to start making and selling bags...and to start off i'm doing requests!
prices and styles under the cut.
prices are AVERAGES...once you tell me what you want it may be MORE OR LESS
and if you don't see something you may want...ask and i may be able to do it
varying on the prices depends on fabric, degree of difficulty for something you want, and size you want.
let me know what you want and i'll give you an exact price.
just an example of what i can do...this one is hand sewn and hand painted:

start off with the most simple:
a plain store bought tote bag that i replace the straps on (the straps they come with are too short to put the bag over your shoulder...so unless you don't want to be able to i'll replace them)

i can paint these OR do a felt applique.
store bought tote bag starting price: $8

bag made by me, no lining. dimensions can be whatever you'd like.

starting price: $12

bag made be me with lining

starting price: $20

bag made by me with lining AND a zippered pocket

starting price: $25

DETAILS

OUTSIDE
felt appliques

these are easiest for me and least time consuming to do and therefore the cheapest. if you want this the price will be the starting price.

painting

painting may or may not cost more. painting like the first one here won't because it's using minimal paint and doesn't take that much time. painting like the 2nd take a lot more time because its detailed and the tiny stuff takes time. painting like the 3rd takes a lot of paint and time to do. paint is expensive. so the second and third types here would probably be at least +$5.

Straps and Seams
stuff like decorating the seams and straps. this is no extra cost...it can just make a plain bag look a lot nicer and its kinda cool.

and that's really it.
any questions ask.
i figured i'd start off with requests because some people have been waiting so long for me to do this i owe it to them to make them what they want.
if people start to become interested...i may start just making what i feel like and selling it.
but this is your chance to get me to make anything you want so take advantage of it.
on that note also you can just say like "i want a bag with lining and [whatever] design...do what you want but keep it at $20" if you trust my judgement haha.
i'm really flexible...and i just want to make you something you'll like...so whether you know exactly what you want or don't care about the details i can make you something.

and totally feel free to refer me to all your friends ;)

xdamagecontrol @ 2004-06-13T21:27:00

2004-06-14T01:32:07Z

FRIENDS ONLY
you know the drill